A minor news report
caught the eye the other day: Hillary Clinton was charging Rudy Giuliani
with "ties to hate groups." The piece didn't say which particular groups
were involved or why they were hateful in any way. Nor did it expand much on
what the "ties" in question were. But the item at least spurred some
contemplation in these quarters about the contemporary vocabulary of the
political left, an increasingly bizarre sect for which words often have
different meaning than they do for other people. Herewith represents my
effort to clarify, some of the key terms and phrases:
HATE GROUP:
Any group that holds views different from those of liberals. Examples
include all evangelical Christians, the National Rifle Association and, of
course, the Republican Party.
HATE SPEECH:
The positions contrary to liberal orthodoxy that hate groups espouse.
Includes lots of mumbo-jumbo about limited government, individual freedom
and market economics. The most virulent manifestation comes, though, in the
form of any expressed skepticism regarding racial preferences, radical
feminism or gay rights. This is the speech that all good liberals are keen
to see criminalized.
POLITICAL CORRECTNESS:
The latest, approved set of liberal positions, otherwise known as the "party
line." Liberals consult these regularly to figure out what they can and
can't say in polite company and to avoid the expenditure of effort necessary
in thinking for themselves. A code to be deviated from only at great risk,
including the likelihood of eventual reclassification as a member of a hate
group (see above).
RISKY SCHEME:
Term that can be applied to any Republican proposal, but particularly to
those suggesting that people should be allowed to keep more of their
hard-earned money. A favorite mantra of Vice President Al Gore, who used it
no less than a dozen times in one recent 20-minute speech. Possible
rhetorical substitutes include "irresponsible" and "selfish."
REPUBLICANS:
Exist to comfort the comfortable and to further enrich the already rich.
Were relatively harmless when content to play golf and swizzle martinis at
the country club. But then they had the temerity to take over Congress and
thereby threaten all that is good and progressive in America. Thought to be
increasingly dominated by the intolerant minions of the religious right.
Tolerance: The deference and respect which should be naturally accorded the
opinions of others. Except when those opinions differ in any way from those
of liberals.
INTOLERENCE:
The refusal to automatically embrace liberal positions. A stubborn tendency
thought to be particularly pervasive among Republicans and other
unenlightened hate groups.
RACIST:
A term traditionally applied to a person who judged people on the basis of
race. Now a term describing people who oppose judging people on the basis of
race and who tend to blather on about something called a "colorblind
society." Multiculturalism: Defined as hatred of Western culture for its
sexism, racism and militarism, as well as the glorification of all other
cultures, however vicious and illiberal they might be.
HOMOPHOBE:
Any person who questions any aspect of the gay rights agenda. Such people,
i.e. the overwhelming majority of the population, are believed to be
suffering from a false consciousness instilled by a tradition of
heterosexual hegemony and privilege.
CLINTON HATERS:
Refers to all people who failed to vote for Bill Clinton for president. A
malady thought to afflict weird people with quaint notions about personal
character, the rule of law and respect for the truth.
THE
CONSTITUTION: Outmoded
document put together by some vaguely remembered dead white males. Still an
object of irrational veneration by militia groups and other crazies. To be
distorted where necessary, ignored altogether when possible.
OUR VALUES:
A favorite phrase of President Clinton and other liberals seeking, for
purposes of electoral viability, to disguise themselves as something other
than liberals, i.e. "New Democrats." Seldom precisely defined, but usually
thought to refer to attitudes supportive of the expansion of government and
government regulation in our lives.
ABORTION:
The most important of all rights. The fact that it goes unmentioned in that
piece of parchment called the Constitution simply confirms that status and
is all the more reason to defend it against the encroachment of people
called "strict constructionists" (see below).
STRICT CONSTRUCTIONISTS:
Those who give aid and comfort to hate groups by insisting that the
Constitution be taken seriously and actually interpreted as written. If
taken too far, such ideas would "turn the clock back" (see below) to an age
of slavery and back-alley abortions.
TURNING THE CLOCK BACK:
Any effort to challenge any liberal political victory from the New Deal on.
Implicit in the use of this charge is the comforting assumption that all
liberal achievements are irreversible and that public policy can move in
only one ideological direction over time.
VAST RIGHT-WING
CONSPIRACY: The
coordinated efforts of hate groups to undermine the Clintons. Conspiracy is
defined here somewhat broadly to imply various activities amounting to
political opposition. When such activity includes writing magazine articles
critical of the Clintons, voting for candidates other than the Clintons and
contributing to political parties other than that to which the Clintons
belong, then the conspiracy earns the majestic adjective of "vast."
OFFICE OF THE INDEPENDANT
COUNSEL: A once useful
liberal instrument for investigation of Republican officeholders. Enthusiasm
for the institution mysteriously declined, however, when it was suddenly and
unexpectedly used to impeach a liberal president.
SEXUAL HARRASSMENT:
The mistreatment of women by sexist Republicans. Democrats who engage in
similar behavior are to be excused because they have the right positions on
"women's issues."
UNCLE TOM:
Pejorative term for slaves who used to be obsequious toward their plantation
masters. Now refers to any African-American intellectual who is
insufficiently obsequious toward, or unwilling to be patronized by, guilty
white liberals.
LiberalSpeak
|
English
|
| Tax cut |
Tax increase |
| No tax increase |
Big tax increase |
| Tax increase |
Tax increase will be
first item on the agenda |
| Taxes are last resort |
Tax increase |
| Read my lips |
Spending increase |
| Spending cut |
Tax increase |
| Deficit reduction |
Tax increase |
| Balanced budget |
Tax and spend increase |
| Tax the rich |
Tax anyone with a job |
| Profit |
Gross revenue |
| Greed |
Profit motive |
| Monopol |
Corporation with
market cap over $500 million |
| Undeserving poor |
People who work |
| Deserving poor |
People who vote
for liberals |
| Corporate welfare |
Gross revenue minus
taxes |
| Corporate subsidy |
See 'corporate welfare' |
| Welfare for the rich |
What people have left
after taxes |
| Profiteering |
Not losing money |
| Managed competition |
Government takeover |
| Socially responsible
investments |
Invest in money-losing
ventures that liberals
failed to get |
| Taxpayer funding for
Social responsibility |
Force someone else to
pay for it |
| Compassion |
Generosity with other
peoples' money |
| Open-minded |
Agrees with liberal
agenda |
| Closed-minded |
Does not agree with
liberal agenda |
| Right wing extremist |
See 'closed-minded' |
| Diversity |
Lock step conformity
with liberal agenda |
| Overheated economy |
Prosperity |
| Compromise |
Agree with liberal
agenda |
| Gridlock |
System of checks and
balances deliberately designed into the Constitution |
| Exploit |
Employ |
| Special interest
groups |
Non-liberal groups |
| Trust fund |
Ponzi investment scam |
| Victim |
Someone who doesn't
work because of sloth |
| Fully fund |
Blank check |
|
